A Family Mourned
by DaveyRMahony
Summary: I have to apologize about not posting any further in my 26 Tribulations of Jamie Reagan. This was meant to be posted as a second chapter to that, but ended up becoming a story on its own. Bear with me if I didn't do this the right way... I'm still learning. In this story, Danny is called on the scene with Jamie and Renzulli in an officer involved shooting.
1. Chapter 1

It wasn't often that Danny Reagan found himself in the field with his younger brother, and so it wasn't completely out of the question for him to have mixed emotions as to whether or not this rarity was a pleasant one. With Joe, he always felt that neither one of them needed to know about what the other was doing professionally, and both of them would benefit from staying out of each others ways. This wasn't a testament to their relationship, of course, but in the dangerous job that they both held, they probably would both better function without the added concern of knowing the details of each others tours. This was something that Danny felt, even now, with Jamie. In the back of his mind, however, he always felt that maybe if he had involved himself a little more with Joe's duties, that maybe -

"Uncle Danny, would you mind setting the napkins? I'm going to go get the the biscuits out of the oven," Nicky interrupted his thoughts, thankfully.

"Sure, kid." As he turned to where he thought the napkins were, he realized that maybe he could be paying a little more attention to his home life. "Uhh, and those would be..."

"Wow, Danny. Getting confused over napkins? You must be getting old," Erin joked of her brother, sweeping in and removing the dinner napkins from the cabinet right in front of him.

"Not much older than you, sis," Danny smiled at his older sister.

Linda walked into the room, Jamie following shortly behind her, Henry and Frank already seated. Jamie was nearly dressed completely for work, short of his vest and hat, because immediately after dinner he had a tour to report to.

"Are we ready to eat yet or not? You know Jamie has to be out of here within 45 minutes," Henry complained.

Erin, bringing the last platter of food, sauntered into the room with raised eyebrows a her grandfather. "Why do I get the feeling you don't care if Jamie is late as much as you care about your grumbling stomach?" Making her two nephews giggle from the other end of the table.

"As true as that is I really do have to be out of here quickly today, thanks for the hustle everybody," Jamie addressed his whole family, to the vindication of his smiling grandfather.

"Actually you're not the only one, kid," Danny stated. "As a matter of fact, I can give you a ride down there. This is Jackie's last night and we're all saying goodbye to her down at the station."

"Oh yeah, I'd like to say goodbye to her too. Thanks Danny." Danny responded by holding up a fork speared broccoli.

"You got it."

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As the two approach the station, Danny stopped the car and turned to his brother. "Listen, don't say anything about her leaving, all right?"

Jamie's eyebrows furrowed. "But isn't the whole point of coming down here _because_ she's leaving?"

Danny sighed. "Yes, but it doesn't mean you throw it in her face. It's a sensitive topic and part of her really doesn't want to leave. If we hit her too hard with it, she's not gonna feel like we're easing her out the door so much as kicking her out of it, get what I'm saying?"

"Not really," Jamie smirked.

"You really got your money's worth at Harvard, huh college-boy." They both rolled their eyes at the same time without noticing the other. "Just say something like, 'Take care Jackie, see ya soon.'"

Jamie stared at his brother for a second, trying to determine whether or not he was serious about the whole don't-really-say-goodbye-goodbye thing. "Whatever you say, detective!"

The two got out of the car and headed into the grey precinct. Approaching Jackie, Danny noticed that, although his brother was quick to mock him for his sensitive efforts, Jamie tensed around his departed partner and pinched his lips tightly together, as is waiting to speak until he was spoken to. Danny found his elbow jutting out at his brother as the obviousness of his display was probably worse than mentioning her leaving all together.

"Hey, Little Reagan," Jackie greeted with a sad smile. "What are you doing here?"  
Jamie looked at Danny who looked at the water cooler.

"Oh! I ah – um," sighing, Jamie simply came out with the goodbye. "I just wanted to come by and say I'm sorry to see you go. You're a great detective and you're gonna be missed around here," Jamie sincerely stated.

Danny briefly looked up to see his partner's eye sparkle with goodbyes before returning his attention to that water cooler.

Jackie blinked away her sadness, swallowed it down, and put her hand out for a shake just as she was taught, to operate in a man's world. "That's really nice. Take care, Jamie. See ya soon."

Jamie and Danny both managed not to laugh or even look at each other as Jackie's sign off was exactly how Danny suggested bidding farewell to Jackie.

"Right, well – I got a night shift I have to start. I'll see you guys," Jamie said before leaving to report for duty.

Watching his brother walk away, Danny shook his head. _Too bad I'm always the bad guy_, he thought. "Uhh, Jackie, listen, I'm sorry about the kid. He's-"

Jackie sniffed loudly, "He's fine, Danny. Sweet, even. It means a lot to me that he-" Sniff. "That all of you guys thought to come down." Jackie didn't speak often or at any length about the turmoils she was experiencing in her personal life, but Danny could deduce that the things Jackie had always said she never wanted – a husband, a baby, a quiet life outside of the city – she was starting to miss.

After sharing box upon box of cheesecake and cup upon cup of coffee, the station began to say their final farewells to female detective. In a quiet moment alone, the two friends found themselves in a pause that Danny had always had guilt over. Linda held his entire heart, he couldn't even conceive of another woman having any part of it, but in these moments with Jackie he could feel that she was not just his partner. Jackie was some sort of unprecedented concoction of friend, coworker, sister, brother, and sometimes even more.

"Yeah," Danny let the word hang awkwardly.

"Yeah," Jackie returned the favor.

Clearing his throat, and not look directly into the feminine mystique, Danny started his personal good bye. "Listen, Jack – I, uh... look don't make a thing out of this, okay? But I, uh... I got you something." He handed her a small box.

"What are you crazy?" Jackie appreciated. "What is this?"  
"A lock of my hair," Danny quipped.

Jackie snorted and volleyed back "Really? Are you sure you don't want to keep it? You should save every little bit that you can," emphasizing his hair line.

"Ah-ha, very funny. And no, not really, it's just a little something to show my, uh – I don't know, I thought you might like it," His eyes shooting back to the ground.

Jackie opened up the small box to find an elegant, perfectly cut ovular sapphire gem necklace. She pulled out the necklace and put it around her neck without Danny's help. "Danny this is too beautiful, I love it." Her brows furrowed. "I gotta tell you though, this ain't my birthstone – that's garnet."

"Jackie," Danny rolled his eyes back up to her. "I'm a detective, I know when your birthday is, and this ain't for that. I got you the sapphire because it's blue, and... I don't know – hopefully it will remind you of what you got in your heart, the NYPD, where you belong."

She stood shocked at the sentiment of her ordinarily emotional-vacuum-sealed partner. "Oh," she started, trying with all of her might to not cry again. "I, wow, I just don't know what to say... thank you, Danny. It's..." The tears began to fall freely now. "It's just perfect."

Danny pulled her into a strong armed hug, surprised by the degree of emotion that he was experiencing. Kissing Jackie on the top of her head, taking in her presence one last time, he pulled away and bid his final farewell. "All right, lady, get out of here already, before we have to get a restraining order on you."

Punching him in the arm and blowing a tearful kiss behind her, she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Not wanting to go home in the state that he was, Danny decided he would hang around the precinct for a while, putz around and find something to do, someone to annoy. He sat down at someone else's desk, and began to shuffle to someone else's papers, when someone else's walkie talkie broke the silence of his mournful pondering.

"Yes, sir. 10-71, 11-99 Code 10 being reported. Repeat 10-71, 11-99 Code 10 being reported. Stay on the line... 10-71, 11-99 Code 10 with a 10-71 and a 11-99, Officer involved shooting, Officer needing assistance, possible Code 10 critical. Copy?"

_Geez_, Danny thinks to himself, _I shoulda gone home when I had the chance.. "_Hey Rick, I'm around if you need. You want I should come along?" A nag in his stomach increasing. _Who knew I felt so strongly about Jackie?_

Rick looks at Danny and rolls his eyes. "Reagan get the hell outta here, go home already! I'm sure your _life_ partner will come and visit when she can okay?" Officer Rick mocks him.

"Be advised, suspect loose and armed. Officer involved shooting. Suspect wounded, at large. Officer wounded, possibly critical. 10-71, 11-99, Possible Code -,"

The knot in Danny's stomach creeped through his entire body, giving him a sheen of sweat across his forehead. He watched for a minute as Rick and his crew walked out of the building. As Danny sat again, trying to calm his twisting intestines, Rick came running back into the precinct. Pale. Scared. Silent.

Danny saw his old friend reenter the building in his state of shock and immediately stood up. "What?"

"Reagan..." Rick begain.

"Rick, please." Danny could barely help the plea as it fell out of his mouth, and suddenly he knew where the anxiety had been building from.

"It's... Danny, it's Jamie." Rick started. He tried to explain further, give any information that he had to share, but before he had the chance, Danny ran past him and into the driver's position in the car.

"Tell me where."


	3. Chapter 3

It had been ten minutes already of the cyclical journey of trying to get a crazed gunman to come to his senses. Jamie, Renzulli, the gunman, and the hostage were all frayed to their last threads, and everyone knew something was about to happen.

"Drop the gun!" the youngest Reagan yelled to the suspect. The hooded figure had an older asian man at gunpoint blocking a safe shot from Jamie.

"YOU drop the gun! Back away, man... I'm on the edge!" The suspect screamed hysterically. He was a relatively young man, perhaps a normal everyday guy who found himself in dire straights. Jamie had often wondered about the relation between robberies and the economy. _Desperate time_s...

"This isn't ending well for you, man. Let the man go, drop the gun, and we'll figure this out! We'll take you to the station and get you to a hospital. Hot meal? Warm bed? How does that sound?"

Jamie's ability to rationalize the mentality of any loon off the street always amazed Renzulli. The patience to speak calmly to an armed perp at all, let alone giving the guy the benefit of the doubt, hoping that he'll see the error of his ways. Was that patience, or naivety?

"GET YOUR GUY OUT OF HERE! YOU! Leave, I don't need to talk to anyone, least of all you PIGS," the suspect shrieked.

"Sir, calm down and drop the weapon," Renzulli tried.

"Fuck you."

Before anyone had the chance to response, he pulled the gun away from the temple of the old asian man took aim at Renzulli. Thankfully, his adrenaline forced his hand, and he fired wildly in all directions, throwing the hostage into Jamie's capable arms. The old man burst into tears, screaming wildly in Mandarin, incapacitating his attention and weapon while Renzulli dealt with the onslaught of gunfire.

"Get down, get out to the hallway!" Jamie yells and he thrusts the old man out of his way. Reaching for his gun, he realized just how much of the upper hand the suspect held. His Sgt. was about to die, and he was about to watch. With no time to reach for his own weapon, Jamie screamed as another round was fired, directly at Renzulli's head.

"NOOOOO!"

Suspect, Renzulli, and Jamie Reagan all found the same focal point in the tiny apartment living room. Was it really that long ago that Jamie and his Sgt. were in the car laughing at the fact that they were about to embark on one of millions of noise complain calls they would face in their careers?

Renzulli and the suspect blink in unison. The gun was aimed. The trigger was pulled. And yet, Renzulli was still alive on the ground, looking back at Jamie, frozen in shock.

Seeing his Sgt.'s eyes remain filled with life had Jamie flying across the room to tackle to suspect before the next blink could be squeezed onto anyone's shocked eyes.

As soon as Jamie had the perp on the ground Renzulli tried to stand and pull his young friend out of the way, somehow knowing in his heart that the arrest would not end this easily, regardless of the insane effort they had already put into it.

The loud last shot pierced the air of the room. Jamie and the criminal fell away from one another, one more stunned that the next.

"Oh my god," whispered the shooter.

"S-," Jamie tried, but the air escaping from his body left his words trying and breathless. "S- s-," Jamie tried again, but instead began coughing and hacking. Within a minute blood trickled out of the side of his mouth.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" The criminal cried hysterically. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Please! I'm so-"

Renzulli stood from his kneeling position beside Jamie he couldn't even remember taking, and kicked the perp in the stomach, taking out his cuffs, and shackling the man to a nearby radiator. "SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP."

Back to Jamie's side, Renzulli looked at the wound in Jamie's torso. It was low enough that it missed his heart, most certainly. Was it also low enough to pierce his lung? The blood Jamie was coughing up led him to believe that, perhaps, this may be the case.

"DISPATCH! 10-71, 11-99 CODE 10, OFFICER DOWN. DO YOU COPY? OFFICER DOWN, COPY. OVER?! Jamie," he redirected towards his wounded partner. "Jamie, help is on the way, hear me? Help is coming. Don't move."

"Yes, sir. 10-71, 11-99 Code 10 being reported. Repeat 10-71, 11-99 Code 10 being reported. Stay on the line," reported dispatch.

"S- sar..ge.." Jamie managed.

"Relax, kid," Renzulli choked out. This couldn't be goodbye.

"Sar..ge.. m'fam..ly," wheezed the youngest Reagan. "Th-they.. can't... can't..."

"Jameson, no," Renzulli declared.

Renzulli looked to the perp who he had left sobbing in a ball in the corner of the room. "Please believe me! I didn't want this! I didn't mean for this to happen.. Please! Please, believe me!"

Renzulli loudly sniffed the tears back into his body, and, never taking his eyes off of him young parner, "You need to not make another sound, you piece of shit. Shut up. Don't you realize what you've done?" He asked, finally looking at the fetal criminal. The man only responded by putting his head into his cuffed hands, sobbing louder even still.

Jamie had his fists closed tightly around his partners jacket lapel, staring up into Renzulli's eyes like a newborn staring into his mothers.

"Reagan, you stay awake, man." He could tell from the blood coughed out of Jamie's mouth, and the wheezing that racked his frame that Jamie had more than likely gotten hit in the lungs. As far as his medical expertise goes, however, that was all he could deduce of the situation. He didn't know how deep the bullet may or may not have gone, how easy it would be to get it out, the chances that Jamie had of making it out of the apartment complex alive...

"Stay awake, Jamie," he reminded his young friend at the sight of his earthy blue eyes closing.. "Please, stay awake... please, Jamie..."

This continued for what seemed like days until, the three men could finally hear loud, thick-shoed feet stomping up the stairs to their location.

Renzulli pushed back to the far wall where the suspect had been forgotten, he couldn't only distantly watch as the rescue crew tried to save Jamie until a paramedic took his elbow and walked him to the waiting ambulance downstairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Danny careened around the New York City corners, fighting the urge to bowl over anyone and everyone who was unfortunate enough to get in his way. When he finally arrived at the site of the altercation, he saw Renzulli being guided to the back of an ambulance in a state of shock. He made his way over to him, apologetically bumping and knocking into anyone in his path.

"Renzulli," Danny stated. The unspoken line of questioning hanging in the air following the barked name.  
"Danny," Renzulli turned around. "How -" he was about to ask how he had gotten there so fast, the incident had only just happened. "He's upstairs, Danny.. He was hit..."

The oldest Reagan turned around to run up the stairs to see his baby brother, but he was met by large men carrying a severely wounded man, covered in wires and looking inhumanly small on a stretcher. He had nearly ignored the scene in his effort to meet with his brother, he had almost bumped into when he realized that the man he had passed was his Jamie.

Stopping in his tracks, letting the stretcher be swept several feet away from him, Danny couldn't believe his eyes. "No..."

"H- Hey, hey... HEY, THAT'S MY BROTHER," he demanded of the responseless medical team, their attentions exclusively held for the injured man. He turned on a dime and headed straight for the ambulance waiting for his little brother. An EMT tried to push him away, explaining that there was no room for family in transport, but Danny knew that line. That's just a thing they tell you. When they say that there's no room for family, they mean they don't want you emotionally scarred by having a front row seat to the messy death of a ambulance transport. "DON'T touch me. I'm a New York City detective, that's my brother. I'm coming." And so he was.

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As they arrived into the hospital, Danny knew that he would have to leave his brother, that the medical staff were not there for his benefit but for Jamie's, and his presence would be a hinderance above all. A sweet plump nurse led Danny to a private family room where his mind would be free to attack him with perverse conclusions to this horrible nightmare, where his thoughts would turn on him, and allow him to begin to wonder who would have to be the one to tell his father of Jamie's dea-

_NO_, Danny screamed at his third party mind, as if battling with a tangible foe, all the, sightlessly following that plump little nurse into the private room.

When he arrives at the door, a massive silhouette stands in the shadow of the low-lit space.

"Dad?" Danny's voice cracks before he can compose himself.

Frank turns around, and his dimpled frown is all the response he's able to provide.

"Dad... Jamie..." Danny attempts, but the words, so foreign in their content, catch in his throat. He needed to tell his father what happened. He needed to know...

Frank nods wordlessly, and puts a hand on his oldest son's shoulder. "Danny, I -" Frank finds himself choking in a sob. "I – I know... Jamie..." and thick hot tears cascade down his icy face. Danny's face falls and suddenly the two men are holding each other. "Jamie – Jameson was -" breathy sob, "shot tonight."

Danny is trying with all of his might to refrain from burying his face into his father's solid frame. The two men were preemptively mourning, and all in unison, tearing at their seams. "Dad, oh god, dad... He can't... He CAN'T!"

The patriarch and his eldest find themselves on the floor, holding onto one another with the might of men hanging on to the balance of their own lives.


	5. Chapter 5

Although they couldn't be sure of the true amount of time that had passed from the moment when the two of them held each other on the ground until now, the seeming eternity that had passed was a silent one. That silence remained until Danny could hear the purposeful clip clop of heels and an old cane.

Erin and Henry found their way to Frank and Danny without the help of that plump nurse who had escorted Danny. Erin glided her way into the room carrying a massive tote and her stylish purse. Henry gaped into the room a mere seconds after his always graceful granddaughter, somehow able to keep her pace even with his halted ambulatory abilities.

"Dad..." Erin began, as Frank stood up, apparently shocked by the vision of his daughter and father. He widen his arms and allowed his only daughter to find her way into them. She burrowed her face as deep as she possibly could into her father's chest, and at that moment, Danny had an epiphany about his father. He didn't know how long ago or how recent it had been that he and his father shared the same embrace, but he could see himself in his sister's place as though he were relieving those horrible moments himself. At that moment, he realized, he had the strongest man in the world for a father. Frank allows himself to go through the turmoils of mourning time and time again, and somehow never departs from the image of NYPD, chief of police, father. He sees how, Frank allows himself only one breakdown of his walls, and stands firm against his sister's sobs.

"Oh, Danny," Erin exchanged her father's embrace for her brother's, and although Danny knew he was in no position to be comforting anybody, he looked to his father and mimicked the strength he always found in him.

"Hi, sis." Danny pats her hair, not knowing what to say.

"Pop," Frank acknowledges.

Henry stands in the doorway, never having moved from the second he walked in. Perhaps he's avoiding the finality of stepping into that room, musty with tears, or perhaps he, too, is trapped in the ever revolving mechanisms of his own mind. Or maybe, in his old age, he finds a place to stand, subconsciously protecting his family from the circumstance outside of this room, he finds himself standing in that doorway trying to stay relevant as the family elder. Maybe all of the above.

Erin is alternating between sobs and clearing her throat to speak. She pushes away from her brother's arms and, unbelievable to anyone, actually stumbles her way to where she had dropped her bags. It was not like Erin to do anything without grace, and so to Danny, both as a brother and as a detective, that one simple accidental act was telling of his only sister. She had something to share with everyone, and suddenly his heart is pounding, and his world is pulsating. He couldn't handle much more bad news...

"I -," she tries, and starts to breathe fast and shallow. "We – we were running so late – w – with dinner, and..." her face begins to crumble and quiver, "Jamie was running late." Now she is gasping for air, and her father is at her side, holding her elbow.

Frank is now terrified for Erin as well, "Erin," he allows pseudo-calmly. "Erin, breath. Deep and slow." Erin is now grasping for a chair behind her, and she can't bear to break the news of what was in that tote.

Henry stomps his way out of the doorway with the unwelcome anger of a man with hindsight. He pulls a thick black material out of Erin's bag and tosses it onto the chair beside Frank, who had taken up the chair beside his daughter. "There, you see?" Henry practically growls from his flaring nostrils. "We were all in such a damn rush with dinner. The kid -" Henry hiccups, and rubs his face harshly as though rubbing away the emotions. "The kid left his damn vest at home."

And so there it was. Jamie was in the field, and his bullet proof vest was not. Jamie took a bullet, and his vest had not. Any sick perverse hope which anyone had that, if Jamie was really shot, that maybe it was in his leg, or arm. Bullet wounds to the torso could prove fatal for many reasons, and unfortunately, this was a familiarity that the Reagan family shared all together. Frank stood, and by virtue of Erin holding onto him so tightly, she was up as well.

The only sound that be heard from that room as the four adults stood and stared at that imperforated vest were the wet blinking of their tear soaked eyelids.

"Ahem, excuse me. Reagan family?" a voice called from behind them.

Flinching, everyone turned and faced a slight man with thick eyebrows making up for the lack of hair on top of his head. He stood, stupidly, waiting for a response.

"Y-" Frank cleared his throat, "Yes?'

"Hello, I'm Dr. Rosen, my come in?" This time, he didn't wait for anyone to answer, entered the room purposefully, and closed the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

_Earlier... _

"What do we have here?" The tired emergency room doctor greeted the paramedics. Danny had been ushered off to the side so as to allow movement for the medical to perform life saving measures on his little brother.

"Stay strong, Jamie!" Danny calls to the disappearing gurney. "Stay strong, little brother!" He chanted to himself. "Stay," he whispered quietly.

"What a mess," the doctor who had trailed from the entryway sighs. "Another cop?" He asks, as the tangle of tools and hands made their way across Jamie's broken body. "I thought the chief of police just instated a new policy to hit street criminals hard! Or are the numbers of fatalities just a statistic to the big heads on top?" the doctor ignorantly states.

A female doctor rushes the room and elbows her way to the front seat position. "Lower hemisphere breach of the left lung with organic and foreign fragments embedded in the the tissue," she states to mainly herself, as everyone in the room is already caught up with the specs of the nameless patient before them.

Pulling bits and pieces out of a gnarled wound should have given anyone pause, but not the emergency room doctors. As a surgeon, Dr. Rosen occasionally viewed them as vultures, all fighting for the most exciting cases.

"Nice, now can you count to ten five times fast?" The first doctor remarks, still maneuvering.

"In five languages, you?" The female doctor quips back.

"Pardon me," Dr. Rosen interrupts growing frustrated by the frivolity that had no place in the ER.. "Patient is Jameson Reagan, mid to late twenties, seemingly of above average physicality, as Dr. Soto stated presents with a lower hemisphere breach of the left lung with organic and foreign fragments embedded in the the tissue." He put Jamie's chart on his counter allowed a nurse to dress him into his surgical garb. "Also," he pivoted once more on his rubber soled heel, "He's the son of Police Chief Frank Reagan." After allowing that fact to sink in, he stepped in closer to his peers, "I suspect the antics should be coming to a close soon, don't you?"

Dr. Rosen's icy sternness had the other two doctors reigning in their juvenile exchange just in time for all hell to break loose.

"BP is crashing!"

"Bilateral dilation of pupils."  
"Heart rhythm intermittent and faint - Will somebody get the damn paddles!?"

"He's brachycardic. Are we going to intubate him?"

"Yes."

"No! His heart, it's -"

"He's crashing!"

"CLEAR!"

_'Danny?' Jamie asks groggily as the front door opens and his brother greets him with a goofy smile, immediately snatching Jamie into the house. _

_ 'Heeeeyyy! The kid's here – can we eat now?' Danny asks, forcefully removing Jamie's jacket, stained with blood._

_ 'What the hell...?' Jamie asks._

_ Danny folds the sticky material up in his arms, and frowns as he throws it onto the floor of a different room, beyond vision. 'That's nothing. Come in, everyone's here,' he sideswipes. Danny, with both hands clasping Jamie's shoulders, ushers his younger brother into the dining room, somehow more crowded than usual._

_ 'Shall we say grace?' A beautiful voice suggests._

_ Even as his eyes meet hers, he can't believe what he's seeing. He can't believe that he's staring into the eyes of his own mother._

_ 'I... mom?' Jamie sputters._

_ 'Hey,' Danny scolds, his face suddenly angular and stern. 'Let's just eat, okay?' He directs his firmness to his brother._

_ 'Okay!' Erin interjects. 'Who's ready for potatoes?'_

_ 'I am!' Nicki pipes up. 'Quick mom, before Uncle Joe gets to them.'_

_ The family all laughs, Frank smiling at his partner at the other end of the table as though no time had passed._

_ 'Yeah, who ever heard of an Irish guy loving his spuds – right?' Joe jokes, resulting in Erin rolling her eyes, Danny, nodding in agreement, and Henry, Frank, and Mary all chuckling._

_ 'Certainly not this guy," Linda sarcastically elbows Danny._

_ Danny, having just stuffed his mouth with a massive serving of mashed. 'Hmm me?' He manages through his food._

_ All in unison, kids and adults laugh, and the family is, for the first time in years, unbroken._

_ 'How -' Jamie tries again._

_ 'Don't ask.' Danny scolds._

_ A pain throbbing in his chest disallowed Jamie to prevent himself from asking again._

_ 'I don't understand..'_

_ Slamming his hands on the table, Danny now yells, 'Damn it, Joe! I said don't ask!'_

_ The family silences._

_ 'It's Jamie.'_

_ 'What?'_

_ 'You called me Joe.' The pain intensifies._

_ 'No, I didn't.'_

_ 'Yeah you did! Right guys? Right, Joe?' Jamie turns to the spot where Joe had just been sitting, but, as though he were never there to begin with, he's gone._

_ Frank pushed his lips together and looks down at his plate. 'Are you feeling okay, Joe?'_

_ Jamie stands, awkwardly pushing his chair back with his legs when he realizes that Frank was addressing him. 'What's going on here?'_

_ Frank sighs, shaking his head. _

_ 'We're just trying to eat, okay Joe?' Henry states._

_ 'I'm JAMIE.' _

_ The adults all begin to look at each other._

_ 'Joe, please,' Mary pleads._

_ Jamie rushes to her side of the table, and pierces her eyes with his own. 'Mom, please – you see me, right? You see me as Jamie?Mom... please..." Jamie desperately urges. He reaches for his mom's hands, but when he grabs hold and them and brings them to his cheek, he looks up to see he was speaking to Erin. The pain in his chest shoves him back along with the shock of the sight before him. 'Mom?' He asks, spinning around._

_ 'Oh my god.. Joe, please,' Erin begins to tear up. 'What's the matter with you?'_

_ Jamie freezes, and begins to boil on the spot. 'Me? ME?! I'm Jamie! JAMIE! Mom and Joe were just here! Where are they? Huh?'_

_ 'Joseph Patrick Reagan!' Frank booms over the chaos. 'Calm down, and look at me. Your mother...' Frank breathes in slowly, and out slowly, pushing past the pain of reliving the events. 'Your mother is gone, Joe. Jamie, too.'_

_ Pain. Shocking, electric pain._

_ 'What?'  
Suddenly, Danny is behind him again. Rubbing stress relieving circles into his stiffened shoulders. 'Sorry, Joe. Jamie's dead.'_

_ Again - shocking, electric pain._

_ 'No...'_

"He's back!" The Dr. Soto cries to her staff.

Dr. Rosen looks down at his patient, shaking his head. "For now."

Looking back at the medical students lining the far corner of the room, he points to the one he recognized as the genius who asked about intubation. "Now, he may be intubated, but not by you. I have a family to catch up. Excuse me." And just like that, the doctor left a shocked wake of staff behind him as he mentally prepared for the family update.

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With the suddenly feeling that they were all going to faint, all four of the Reagan adults followed the good doctor in finding a seat. The doctor casually adjusts his tie as he sits and the family watches his every move, his every twitch, every quarter of a millimeter was catalogued into the Reagan family memory.

"Well," the doctor agonizingly begins, "Officer Reag -"

"Jamie," Danny corrects.

The doctor blinks and nods at the floor. "Yes, well..." He begins again. "...The bullet was lodged into the point of entry about midway through the torso. Surgically, we located the main remnant in the wall of the left lung. Of course, the path of the bullet caused damage, specifically a broken rib, which shattered and left pieces of bone fragment in and around the lower lung. After a second surgery, we should be able to remove the last of the bullet and bone fragments out of his lung."

The doctor paused, just as he was taught when giving a mourning family an onslaught of information.

After a thick pause, Danny no longer feels compelled to withhold his line of questioning. "Well? What else? When is the second surgery? What's his condition? When can we see him?" He halts at the faint pressure Erin puts on his knee. The doctor's family training did not include dealing with the Reagan family. They, who have seen it all, could keep up with any amount of information, and demanded it all, especially information regarding one of their own.

"Danny," Erin warns.

He nods and looks at his white knuckled fingers squeezing the life out of each other.

The doctor very nearly delights in the fact that a family is not stopping him to ask questions of the emotional nature. How is he to know if the patients are in pain when the patients are brought in unconscious, or already dead... yet, he very smartly contains his please and moves on to the next bit of information.

"Well, ordinarily, we aim to wake the patients immediately after a major operation, like the emergency fragment removal we completed on Jamie earlier. Ordinarily, after we have the patient awake and speaking, we have an estimated timeline for the next proceeding. Ordinarily, we could have the patient operated on and in rehab within just a few days. However, the case with Jamie is not ordinary."

Ice drips down the chest of all four Reagans.

"Jamie's body – rather, anyone's body – cannot withstand a severe external wound, massive blood loss, fragmented bone fracture, breaching of the lung's wall, and foreign bodies staying in a poorly function major organ for a duration. While we were operating on Jamie, his lung function diminished dramatically and rapidly. The lack of oxygen reaching the vital organs in his body left his heart in the battle of his life. He required immediate oxygen intervention, and unfortunately emergency resuscitation. His lung capacity was lowered for a long enough period that we kept him breathing through breathing tubes. Do you understand everything as I've explained it so far?"

Swallowing the urge to vomit out the rage of loss, Frank nods his head, unable to speak.

"As I've said," the doctor continues, sighing as he does so, "We always aim to operate sooner rather than later, but under his current medical condition, I need you, the family, to understand the risks of preceding further. We would like to complete our task of removing the bone and bullet fragments from Jamie's lung, but, given the stopping of his heart and his current inability to breathe independently of our machines, the risk of mortality is... rather substantial."

He allows a pause for comprehension, which the Reagans receive not to understand the depth of what they are hearing, but rather for the time it allows them each to swallow the gravity of it.

"Are you asking us to make this decision now?" Frank asks sternly.

The doctor takes a deep glance of each of the people before him. Each of the four adults, so different in their presentation all wear the same face, with the same almond shaped eyes pulled down in the deepest of sadness. With all of the training in the world, nothing can prepare medical personnel to tell families of first responders the worst news of all.

"I'm telling you that you need to decide our path as of now. If you don't decide in this now, and we don't act immediately, Jamie's condition could worsen. However, if we operate now, the way he's been responding to our intervention.. he might not make it through." Another pause. "I need to reiterate the potential outcomes, I need to know you understand the risks, and that, unfortunately, there's no easy way to approach this. Officer -" the doctor catches himself. "Jamie's chances are quite trying."


	7. Chapter 7

As the doctor turns and shuts the door, the room immediately fills to saturation with sadness and dread. The collective thought process evident on all of the Reagan faces, 'how do we make this decision on behalf of a family, probably the most capable person to make a decision like this, as irony would have it.

"What are we talking about here? We know what we have to do," Danny huffs as he rubs his thick hand down his face.

Erin scoffs and looks to her brother.

"What?! Are we really even considering not doing this?" Danny pressures. "We have to at least give him a fighting chance!"

"And how are we supposed to decide which of those options would give him a better chance, Danny?" Erin cries. "Dad, please -"

"Erin," Henry interrupts. "That's not fair."  
"Thank you, Grandpa," Danny declares.

"Danny I wasn't necessarily -"

"Thank you, Grandpa," Erin remarks.

"Erin, listen to me -" Henry tries.

Danny rolls his eyes. "Oh, this should be good."

As his family initiates the inappropriate fighting at the the path of his youngest sons life, he spies a familiar face rounding the corner of the sterile hallway he had forgetting existed outside of the tiny room that held he and his family. Nodding to the main, signaling that his salute was not required here, he bowed his head, laid out his hand for a gentlemanly shake, and back-stepped, allowing the smaller man's frame to slip into the tense room.

Clearing his throat, Sgt. Anthony Renzulli silences the room with his presence. Everyone coming to the realization at the same time. _If Jamie dies, this is the last person to speak to him_.

Erin breath flutters out of her mouth as she tries to say sometime to the man she has so many questions for. "Oh, Tony," she begins. "I - , uh, what're -" She stops. Nothing of any content is coming to the surface, so she slips a tightly squeezed knuckle to her lip and quiets.

"Sergeant," Henry greets, to which Renzulli politely, but still silently, nods.

Danny tries to think of something to say. All of the naturally flowing detective questions that Danny had in his mind became unreachable. This man had every answer to the questions he practically needed to vomit out, and yet he sat stifled by his sadness. Renzulli walks deeper into the room, looking directly into Danny's eyes, standing across from him.

Clearing his throat, Renzulli finally finds the courage to speak. "Have you gotten any word?"

Frank speaks, deceptively clearly, "They want to know if we think they should operate or leave the deeper fragments of bullet in his body." Taking in a deep, nasally breathe, he continues. "The doctor says if we don't operate, Jamie could die. If we do operate, Jamie could die." Looking at his family, showing them with that single glance that the arguing is over, he tells Renzulli, "We were just discussing his options."

"I see," he blandly states.

"Ton -" Danny breathes in sharply, and out again. "Tony, did he..." Danny loses his breathe once more.

"That's, in part, why I'm here." This is what Danny had been fearing. This is what his family thought may be coming, but Danny knew certainly was on its way. Pulling a crisp white envelope out of his uniforms inside pocket, Renzulli holds out his hand, not knowing who to present it to.

"You know the drill," Renzulli starts. "We all have these. I didn't know if I should give it to you yet," Renzulli's words fade as he implies Jamie's death is imminent. "I mean – you know, I didn't know – um, I -" sighing, he simply speaks from the heart. "I just didn't know what to do with this."

Frank wipes a tear back into his face that no one sees, and takes the letter from his officer. "Thank you, Tony."

"Yes, sir," he acknowledges. He turns to leave the family to their private moment, but Danny finally finds his footing. He lurches forward sloppily and grabs Renzulli's elbow.

"Don't – you don't have to go," he feared losing the answers to all of his wordless questions.

Looking towards his commissioner, Frank only nods and extends his hand. "Please."

Once again, "Yes, sir."

Erin sinks in to the chair behind her.

Henry holds his face to his chin silently.

Danny paces his way back into the center of the room.

Frank opens the envelop.

"_Dear everybody_..."

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

_ As Renzulli wiped a sticky finger through his tongue, he simultaneously held a cruller up as an offering to his young charge."Breakfast?" He asked, knowing full well he'd staked his claim with his licking his fingers._

_ "Hah, yeah," Jamie laughs to his Sgt. "I'd like a muffin and a shot of penicillin please!" He shakes his head and looks back at the nearly blank paper before him._

_ "Ah well," Renzulli began, half of his pastry already eaten and long gone. "They're beautiful today!"_

_ Jamie's noncommittal, "Yeah" sent Renzulli across the small room, greedily peaking over the shoulder of his young officer. The dawning sense of realization as he saw the words, 'Dear everybody,' left him with a conflicting feeling of emptiness in his full gut. _

_ "So," he awkwardly began the difficult conversation. "Whatcha got there, Reagan?"_

_ Jamie sighed, putting his pen down on the table beside his empty note, and stretched on the chair he had been sitting in. "Matthews gave the widow of his T.O. his letter," he revealed. "You know, his 'goodbye' letter." _

_ Renzulli took a thick gulp of coffee to force down the last bit of food and sat across the table from his young friend. "I know, kid."_

_ "You have one?"_

_ Renzulli took off his issued cap and ran his hand across his head. "You know something, kid? For the longest time, I didn't," he surprised Jamie. "It was long believed that a 'goodbye' letter was just another nail in the coffin. It's not something we want to think about, but it's something not a single one of us can avoid. I know that, if I were to get seriously hurt... or whatever," he waves off the alternative. "I know that nothing would be left unsaid for my wife, my kids, my folks, my siblings. Not for nobody! But I also know, that writing a silly little letter, giving them something to keep after I'm not around anymore, it wasn't hurting me or anybody else. So I wrote one, yeah." He thinks about the contents of his own letter home, and snarls at the image of his wife opening it up. "I hate it. Freakin thing took me two weeks to finish. I just thought, that whole time, what could I say? How is this gonna help anybody?" He chuckled at his own mental fistfight with himself, the one where no one wins. "But I realized, it ain't supposed to help nobody. It ain't gonna help me get into heaven, it ain't gonna give my kids their father back, and it ain't gonna put food on the table for my family. But in spite of all of the bullshit I put my family through – and, believe you me, vice versa – the note is just there to leave them with something. With a little piece of me. With a goodbye. Knowattamean?"_

_ "Yeah, I think I do..." Jamie wondered._

_ "Yeah, well don't sound so surprised. I know stuff." The two men chuckled, attempting to dissolve the sweetness of the tender conversation they were having._

_ "It's just," Jamie explained. "I don't know how to do this. How do I do this to them?"_

_ "Rookie, you're not doing anything to them, should they ever need the fricken thing! You do what you do, and you face what you have to. But you're not hurting anyone. You know?"_

_ Jamie could only shake his head, knowing the sorrow his family has already faced._

_ "Look, I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here," Renzulli tentatively started a new approach. "Can I ask you something?"_

_ Jamie looked up at his Sgt., wide-eyed and listening. "Yes, sir."_

_ "When Joe's effects were brought to your family. Did you ever get his letter?"_

_ Jamie looked down at the table, the cold sadness socking him in the stomach, the way it always had at the mention of his lost brother. "Yes, sir."_

_ "Well," once again, Renzulli tried to tread lightly. "Did he leave you with something you keep with you now?"_

_ His eyebrows furrowed into his deep, lost blue eyes.. "How do you mean?"_

_ "I mean... by the time you were done reading it, were you thinking of the cop who'd been shot down, or the brother that you grew up with?"_

_ Jamie couldn't believe the depth of his T.O. He had never known Renzulli to be a sensitive guy, but, more than he could even believe himself, Renzulli had provided Jamie with the answers he needed. And as the familial memories began to flood to the surface of his mind, he put pen to paper, thanking Sgt. Renzulli, not even hearing him leave the room._

_ "Dear everybody."_


	8. Chapter 8

_Dear everybody,  
There's not a whole lot that I can say to any of you by way of making this any easier, so first off, I just want to tell all of you how sorry I am, and that - in a selfish way, I'm glad it wasn't me that had to lose any one of you._

Every single one of you has meant so much to me in growing up, all throughout school, with my decision to become a police officer, and through my career. It's important to me that you know that I don't regret any of my decisions along he way. Sorry, Erin, I think we both know that I'm not of the lawyer pedigree. Haha.

Gramps, I was always so proud as a kid whenever someone spoke of Commissioner Reagan. I'd barely let them finish their thought before I shouted out "that's my grandpa!" To everyone else, you were the feared and respected boss's boss, but I always knew better. You were the man that snuck me out of school for the World Series at Yankees Stadium (sorry dad...) and stuffed me up on hot dogs and pretzels just in time for dinner at home. Do you remember that? I'll never forget it.

Erin, you are the best sister a misguided dope like me could ask for. I may have made the wrong decision in following your footsteps as a lawyer, but all along the way, you pushed me to finish school, get my degree, made sure I always had a backup plan. Do you remember what you used to tell me when I would call you in the middle of the night, petrified of what I was supposed to do with life? You'd say "Jameson Reagan, you may be too mind-old for your years, but you're still young - and now is the time to be unsure and confused. You are where you're supposed to be." Sis, it was the best advice I'd ever heard, thank you for hearing me too. Give Nicky and big hug from me, tell her no boys until she's married. And tell her to keep up the fantastic work in school, and that I know that she can be whatever she wants to be.

Danny, you have been one of he strongest influences of my life. And I know that, right about now, you're thinking that's not a good thing, but you gave me direction, purpose, and inspiration to be who I really am - which is a cop. If I didn't know what to do in a situation, I'd do what I think you would, and it's always been that way. Everyone always tells me how much I remind them of Joe. I take it as a compliment, of course, but sometimes, something will come out of my mouth, and I can't believe how much like you I've become. It's something I'm so proud of, Danny. If being just like my big brothers defines me, I'm really okay with the man I've become. Please tell Linda that I said I'm so glad that she came into all of our lives when she met you, and tell the boys that I'm so proud of the young men that they're becoming... By the way, enjoy Joe's car.

_Dad, I'm not even sure where to begin. You and mom have been the greatest models of my entire life. You exude the wisdom of a man that acts as a father to thousands of people all over the city, maybe because that's exactly what you do. Every cop in this city looks at you and sees power, authority, intellect, and wisdom. But I'm the luckiest of them all, because I see all of that, and you're my father. It was your power that kept me from getting into cars with friends who'd had too much to drink in college. It was your authority that guided me in my life and my career. It was that infinite wisdom of yours that kept me safe, healthy, and happy all of my life. From telling me when I was little that maybe the mean kid on the school bus was just lonely, too, and if that wasn't the case, that everyone has a weak spot – to telling me as an adult that my career would always be my choice, and my choice only, and that I didn't have to be a lawyer if it wasn't it my heart. I know you must be feeling insane right now, reimagining that conversation in your head so that maybe you would have told me that I shouldn't become a police officer, but you know what dad? I think that I was a cop from my first heart beat, and I'm damn proud to say that I was a cop until my last. I know that I made the right decision. I hope you do too._

… _I don't want this letter to end, but I wrote it for the purpose of saying goodbye. I love you all, so much for than you can ever know. I'm taking these memories of you with me, try and keep them with you, too._

_Love, _

_from the first moment, to the last, and beyond,_

_Jamie_


End file.
